History has a tendency of reapeating itself

I've never really spoken to anyone about my breakup with Shaun. Alot of people had bits and pieces of the truth but never the whole thing. The truth is i intiated the breakup. I was mad because he didn't tell me he brought forward the date he was going to fly off. I was mad because before he left he just left me a message telling me. Since you working you no need to send me off la. I was mad because the only time he contacted me was ONE WEEK after he arrived in US. I was mad because I was the one who called him and he gave me half hearted emails that don't even exceed 3KB. So one day over an AOL chat. I actually downloaded AOL just to chat with him online and so i told him i had enough. He said ok and signed off without saying goodbye.

29th November 2002. That was the day my life seem to take a sharp turn downhill. I'd get drunk everyday. I couldn't even recall who snogged me or who touched me. All i knew was that i felt dirty in the mornings even tho i had never slept with anyone of them. But i was drunk and fuckers take advantage of drunk dumb fuck girls like me.

When he returned in January i told him i was being stupid and that i still loved him. I begged but i knew it was over when he looked at me. For the 1st time he gave me this icy blank stare. And when i reached out for him he didn't even looked back. That was the time i knew he was no longer mine.

Its not about being left on the shelf really its about heartbreak. I don't think i can stand heartbreak. I'd rather not be in love.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Today i is depressed. Many depression. Many until me cannot tink or type errur fwee inklish.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

i miss Vic.

Everyday i worry whether the weather will be too cold for him or if he's eating right or he packed enough clothes. i think i'm starting to be a nag. But if i didn't love him i wouldn't feel that way.