Grumpy

Today quarrelled with Boyfriend again.

I can't help but feeling that my life with him is one big wait. Wait for him to wake up, wait for him to brush his teeth. Wait for him to go back to sleep again. wait for him to wake up again. wait for him to call his pal. wait for him to wake up again wait for him to go downstairs. i waited from 8am till 1pm!!!! For the first time. I ached to be the one who always had to be woken up.

The more the big M looms closer the more i feel that its not it. I used to see him as my world. I used to close my eyes and know and just map my whole life out with him. And now all i feel is that this is the same guy who dumped me. The same guy with the same eyes who told me he stopped loving me and i believed him.

We had the quarrel where the other party says something very hurtful and then you walk away in anger, with your pride and heart shattered, hot tears streaming down your face. And yet as you walk away you always, always wished he'd come after you.

It's happened not once. But twice.

Its ironic how i can say this so freely but love is never a bed of roses. Sometimes is good to put the bad stuff. And i'm being morbid today. I just can't see myself being a good parent, a good wife, a good daughter-in-law. Maybe monogamy is truely a thing of the past. I dunno. I'm not in the fucking around stage.

I truely believe my moving away is a blessing. Although its for a year. Maybe we'll break it up and the distance will just ease everything. Maybe for the first time he'll know what its like being me. Maybe i'll miss him. Maybe not.














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AdAsia July 2006 Pubnight- At least i looked pretty.
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