Fix you

When you try your best but you don't succeed
When you get what you want but not what you need
When you feel so tired but you can't sleep
Stuck in reverse

And the tears come streaming down your face
When you lose something you cannot replace
When you love someone but it goes to waste could it be worse?
Lights will guide you home
And ignite your bones
And I will try to fix you
And high up above or down below
When you're too in love to let it go
But if you never try you'll never know
Just what you're worth
Lights will guide you home
And ignite your bones
And I will try to fix you

Tears stream down your face
When you lose something you cannot replace
Tears stream down your face
And I
Tears stream down your face
I promise you I will learn from my mistakes
Tears stream down your face
And Lights will guide you home
And ignite your bones
And I will try to fix you.

Used and confused

Probably karma but i still think ... to all the guys i'm dumped before, good riddance to bad rubbish.

My mood has never been ever so erratic as today.


"I love you too, but i too am only human.i need time to think. I can't drag everything with my 2 bare hands. Time and space and everything's not on my side"
"I too need guidance support emotionally. i might be the one giving you support most of the time but i need someone to lift me up when i'm down"

After analysing the text numerous times ... the outcome is inevertible. I'm getting dumped.
I'm pretty sure he's got his eye on someone else as well. I'm not the only one that thinks that way. I've even gone to the extent of having my bestfriends analyse the text. So now i wait ... for him to have the balls to tell me himself. The end is near.

Today i'm angry, sad, hurt. I'm crying buckets of tears.

My hse is in a mess. I haven't cleaned up after Snickers.

I don't feel like waking up.

It's been raining on and off. Listening to "Coldplay's X&Y" and the Calling's "Where ever you will go" on loop.


Shopping list:
Toilet cleaner
Air Fresheners

I went to work with stripes on my hands yesterday complete with bruises.
My collegues all think i'm suicidal and all my injuries are self inflicted since the boyfriend left for Germany.


Truth is ....

.

.

.


I'm being abused by my dog. The marks are from her bites.
I'm quite depressed. I don't know how to control her. Smacking her doesn't quite work.
Its tough not being able to talk to anyone. Kinda like post natal depression. Ugh.

Its 11pm and i feel really energized after my nap.

Chilling to music on 987FM, I admit i'm truely a child of the 90s. Retro or Ah Beng techno shyt doesn't go stomach really well for me. Give me pop trash anytime really :)

History has a tendency of reapeating itself

I've never really spoken to anyone about my breakup with Shaun. Alot of people had bits and pieces of the truth but never the whole thing. The truth is i intiated the breakup. I was mad because he didn't tell me he brought forward the date he was going to fly off. I was mad because before he left he just left me a message telling me. Since you working you no need to send me off la. I was mad because the only time he contacted me was ONE WEEK after he arrived in US. I was mad because I was the one who called him and he gave me half hearted emails that don't even exceed 3KB. So one day over an AOL chat. I actually downloaded AOL just to chat with him online and so i told him i had enough. He said ok and signed off without saying goodbye.

29th November 2002. That was the day my life seem to take a sharp turn downhill. I'd get drunk everyday. I couldn't even recall who snogged me or who touched me. All i knew was that i felt dirty in the mornings even tho i had never slept with anyone of them. But i was drunk and fuckers take advantage of drunk dumb fuck girls like me.

When he returned in January i told him i was being stupid and that i still loved him. I begged but i knew it was over when he looked at me. For the 1st time he gave me this icy blank stare. And when i reached out for him he didn't even looked back. That was the time i knew he was no longer mine.

Its not about being left on the shelf really its about heartbreak. I don't think i can stand heartbreak. I'd rather not be in love.

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Today i is depressed. Many depression. Many until me cannot tink or type errur fwee inklish.

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i miss Vic.

Everyday i worry whether the weather will be too cold for him or if he's eating right or he packed enough clothes. i think i'm starting to be a nag. But if i didn't love him i wouldn't feel that way.

IKEA~RIZED

Now if money weren't an issue i would love to do so much more for my new pad. My new place i mean. Coz to people like Ivy, when they think of pad they will think sanitary pad. Piangz.

Thanks Ivy because she "pei" me to IKEA and listen to all my rants about missing my bf and told me i lost weight. As long as i don't look like i was in sec school she will always think i lost weight. Not that it matters. I'm happy with my purchases. And lots more work that needs to be done to the house before i can throw a decent housewarming party. Paiseh invite ppl to such a dodgy looking place.

Pardon the lousy colour. I'm still using a mere VGA camera.

This has to be my favourite piece ~ The funky mirror.  

The bedroom. Project manager, colour co-ordinator, best boyfriend eva the ex Vic, labour generously donated by Shaun, Norman and Sherwin.

Funky mirror part 2. Did i ever tell u i love funky mirrors. Snickers is being dumb she will run to the mirror at full speed then break in shock that her reflection also running at her. Then she will bark at the refection. Weirdest thing is she seldom barks. While doing the laundy i caught her licking the mirror.

Snickers~! The cutes lil thing