Coolness

Someone told me that I give him energy. I'm touched. Its sometime since I had any excitement in my life. I think he's changed me.

Kerana dia, ku tidak terfikirkan pekara yang bukan-bukan.
I think I'm a happier person because of him.

I've sent many emails out to old friends. Primary school friends, poly mates and even Scot, an old acquaintance who lives in New Jersey, USA now and I've gotten so many positive responses. Catching up on their lives and them. It feels fulfilling. Because it is him that makes me feel this way.

I was talking to my friends and telling them that I miss home. Home is a very strong word. What makes a home a home? Like here, I feel at home too. If I were to eventually leave. I guess it would sorely miss the bits of this place that makes life here home to me too, the friendships forged, the foods, the smells.

Before we jump to any conclusions, its just a good feeling I've been having.
As for me. I'm just kicking off my shoes, and watching how it will unravel itself in the end and while I'm doing it, I'm still all smiles.

the loving ends

The thing about him and her was she felt obligated to love him and vice versa.

They were together so long that he had forgotten why they had been together in the first place.

Then there was fear.

They both were afraid of getting hurt by other people and never moved on.

He was never there when she cried out helplessly, lovelessly. To hurt him she stopped reaching out for him, touching him - no peck on the cheek, no hug and even holding hands felt akward.

It was worst than that of infidelity because the only people they were cheating were themselves.

Mari ikut ngeblog ...

Ini kali pertama yang saya ngeblog di dalam bahasa melainkan Inggeris .
Sudah kira-kira 6 tahun yang ku tidak mengunakan bahasa melayu. Hancur sekali.
Rasa seperti anak kecil yang masih belajar merangkak sebelum berjalan.
Aneh.

Disclaimer: If I sound stupid, I'm sorry.

Aku teringat masa bersekolah yang kami disuruh menulis karangan.

How in the world did i manage to do that?

Tiap-tiap kali akalku terasa tercipit. Hasil atau tidak selalu tergantung kepada kamus. Ia benar-benar nasib baik saya untuk mendapat bercampur dengan kawan sedarjah yang selalu membantu.

"What did she say?" I'd ask, and someone would tell me.

Walau bagaimanapun, saya tetap mencuba. Sehingga hari ini. :)

Maybe if i practiced, I wouldn't suck so bad

When the morning comes ...

View from my apartment: Peeping again

he said, she said

He was an hour early that day. Far too early.

His palms were abit sweaty from nervousness. He could not believe he was meeting a friend from high school 6 years later.

What would I say?

He felt like a bashful schoolgirl.

"Breathe," he told himself. And ordered his 3rd ice tea.

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She didn't notice him eyeing her as she walked through the store.

In fact, he had already been eyeing her ask she walked across the street.

There was something about her that seemed to illuminate the dull day.

Little by little, it just got better and better.

Her eyes danced with exuberance as she focused on the vehicles, darting past traffic as she crossed the road, mouthing some lyrics to probably some punk song.

She didn't bother make her self up, her face paled in comparison to her long sleeved maroon sweat shirt, khaki berms and a pair of decently old, red dirty sneakers.

Oh the sneakers. He hated them instantly.

He well wished that she was in a light summer's dress, complete with Jimmy Choos or a Manolo Blahnik to finish off the ensemble.

Come-fuck-me shoes, he thought smiling to himself.

Surely a lady of her grace would have the most perfect arch to her feet that matched the contours of her petite body.

Bringing himself back to reality, he stood up too quickly and banged his knee on the table.

The pain struck him like a sharp electric current.

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She noticed him instantly at the coffeeshop. Floppy, hair, perfect smile, still towering.

And still clumsy.

Apparently he had knocked the table while trying to stand up and had what seemed like ice tea all over himself.

She greeted him with a peck on the cheek.
Have you waited long? She asked.

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He felt like such a doofus.

His ego bruised by the pain in his knee and his soiled couderoys.

God she smelt wonderful, he told himself, as she greeted him.

When she asked if he had waited long, he smiled.

No, he lied. In fact, I just got here.

Indo Blogging: An Expat's view

The Living room














The view outside the living room.

Daily dosage of Emo

She took out a box of cigarettes that belonged to him.

Lighted one up, and closed her eyes.

Bits of his things still littered her apartment, but all was that was left was a blur memory. All she could remember was how great he looked.

As she inhaled a deep puff, she would glance at her darkened lacquered nails to hide her new found vice, a little comfort knowing that it covered the yellowing stains from smoking heavily, lately anyway.

She felt like the little match girl. Everytime she lit one of his fags, bits and pieces would come back to her and it would bring her to the glory days of their time together.

"Fuck," she would curse as she reached the end of her fag. It wasn’t real. What was, though, is her empty apartment, filled with her loneliness, and her.

Help this poor girl ...

THis is from a true story ok.

Abit of background ah ...
Girl A: Career minded woman. Kinda yuppish. Single. Dated latest boyfriend also her first love for bloody ages.

Boy B:Career minded man, yuppie wannabe. Just ORD. Working first job. Dated girl A for bloody ages. Studying part time uni course. Still paying his motorcycle installments and recently set up his own company.

Girl A dumps Boy B after realising that he hasn't called her up for the past 1 week. Goes out on a night in the town. Comes back with obvious hickies which she claims comes from random strangers she didn't know.

Boy B says nothing.

Girl A says that she can't take it anymore.
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Excerpt from what may have been their conversation:

Girl A- says: u can go on with your life, i can move on with mine
Girl A- says: for fuck i keep calling you, distracting you
Girl A - says: when i can channel that energy doing something more productive
Girl A- says: even better, i can find someone to love who can love me back
Girl A - says: that's all i ask for

Boy B says: not making contact does not equation to not loving somebody.

Girl A- says: it doesn't but i need that
Girl A- says: different people have different needs
Girl A- says: and you don't need me
Girl A- says: u know, even if u don't like it, at least do it for me. show me that i'm special
Girl A- says: but it didn't happen

Boy B says: i have a job. and a business, and an aim to make money to get you something that u want. if that isn't doing something for u then wad is?

Girl A - says: is it? i didn't know that

Boy B says: BLING. if i wanted a car, I would have taken a free test drive long ago. why wait until now?

Girl A- says: so for that bling i can don't talk to you for a year than (apparently Boy B planning to buy her some mighty big bling)

Girl A- says: that is what you call love?
Girl A- says: i dunno how we become like that
Girl A- says: i really don't
Girl A- says: love is that same girl who packed you sandwiches when u were hungry
Girl A- says: love is when that guy brought me to changi end to watch the planes fly past
Girl A- says: what we had is no longer there
Girl A- says: and i'm not swayed by the amount of money you can dangle at me

Boy B says: those were the time where we didn't have to give a hoots about ur future. Our mom or dad doesn't support us no more. If I don't work and make a living, how is it possible to have a future?
Boy B says: In Sinkapore, no hard work = no job = no future. Life isn't that simple.
Boy B says: who doesn't want to have it easy? go watch planes all nite long even if it drizzles.

Boy B says: who doesn't want a lovey dovey life? Don't mention you. I too want that kind of life. But do we have a choice? Why would you be overseas then? wad for? To make enuff for a comfortable future rite?

Girl A- says: Its not going to work out, even if we had all the money, we wouldn't be happy
Girl A- says: because its you
Girl A- says: and its me
Girl A- says: and if it was a different person, someone who didn't need you to be around
Girl A- says: i guess it would have been your perfect relationship

Boy B says: there is no such thing as a perfect relationship.

Girl A - says: i agree
Girl A- says: but usually we come pretty close looking for it
Girl A- says: *for better or for worst, for richer or poorer, in sickness and in health
Girl A- says: life is short
Girl A- says: at least i want it to be a happy one

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Which team are you rooting for?

I feel quite sad for the outcome. A couple who supposedly love each other yet they don't seem to see each other's point of view.

blogging about old friends

I was reading Shikin's blog because Radin told me it was her birthday. I think some of the stuff is quite good. I use to write poems and prose. Somehow another I grew up prematurely, stopped being emo and writing doesn't really bring in the moolah.

Happy Birthday Shikin!!!! If you ever find this blog.

Quote of the day (actually yesterday):

WL:Stay cool and funky
Me:Omg don't sia suay me can? Nobody says that anymore! So old sch la u

On dating younger men:

I've never ever dated a guy younger than me. Not even same age. I used to think maturity came with age. I was so wrong. My benchmark used to be 2 years older. I think I might be ready to bend that rule.

On long distance relationship:

It takes faith, trust, and a whole lot of love.

Make over magik

I'm going to post these pictures as they were -

Before:






















































After:




































Ah Pek no longer looks like an Ah Pek, credits go to the good people at Essensuals - Cuppage. You guys did a smashing job.

true friendship

A conversation between me and C,

Me: So what do you think of that guy?

(referring to someone I had taken a liking to)

C: Why you ask?

Me: Nothing in particular, we met sometime back

C: Oh. Ok. I think he's been checking me out, keep staring at my boobs and flirt with me

Me: ......

Random stuff

Linkorama

10 things I wish I had never believed
here

My Grey's Anatomy fix
here
*warning* lots of spoilers*
*rubs hands with glee*

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A week ago, I found out Colin and Kero are no more.
Kaypoh lah. But if you google them, you can find a support group on yahoo rooting for them.
Girls and guys.
New age gay activists.

Past of me is thinking :MMMMM, interesting, perhaps there's hope for a better world after all with less discrimination

The other bit is thinking: Si geee-na, nothing better to do ah!

So nothing lasts forever ... even if it may seem that way.

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Blog posts have been pouring in this month. I guess its because blogging has become a habit. I should really focus on something more fruitful like my manuscript or something. Sianz.

I'll be starting on the food blog soon, I think Chiaki has done a fantastic job on hers. Jealous >.< Good job tho. Jia you!!

Period rants

Hyperlinks are up.

But I'm starting to get a little bored of the blogskin.

In roughly an hour, I'm going to set out to do my obligatory shopping because I'm flying home tmr!!!!

Krispy Kremes for the family, friends and the bribed. KKs are the BEST donuts EVARRR.
Strawberries for my blended daiquiris.
The return of the booze buddies.

I have resolved to get myself pissed drunk 2/4 of the days of my return. The remaining 2 I can't because I have to work. Boo!

So exciting.

I'm packed to the max with meeting up as many people as I as possible.

---------------------------------------------
On a side note,

NB, I'm gone like a month and GST went up 7% .
Naruto getting so draggy lah. Following it is like a love-hate relationship

---------------------------------------------

Its been a good start to the week, trying to recapture the happiest moments - secondary school times.

I have a confession Radin, when I said I was scandal free.

It wasn't true. I was linked to everyone who didn't have anyone.

I was the kind soul

Apart from being Farhan's full time enemy number 1,
my bestfriends would try to hook me up with the weirdest people,

The list starts from the old man sitting by the park bench with nobody to talk to,
the guy who smells like chicken rice - Shamus Nair, Baldev Singh, the late Shawn Lim, our Physics teacher Mr Singh and many others.

I'm sorry I made fun of you and Shhhhh I just can't believe u didn't know.
Well now you know.

Speaking of which, secondary school was a time of much fun and random couplings, I never did get myself tangled in affairs of the heart. I was acne prone, ackward, introverted all in one. It was a fun time for the girls and I. No regrets. I had one of the best times of my life and the best girls beside me.

Never in my mind did I think about the whole boy girl relationship thing. Which brings me to a strange revalation. If someone you once crossed paths with, tells you that in a distant past he would have the slightest tingling feeling that he/she might like you, that you never ever thought would be remotely possible.

*smiles*

Given that time and place, would you have taken a chance?

Its so unreal that it almost sounds like a sub plot of the book I'm working on ;)

And for the record, I would also like to state that I am not gila ok! Bleh.

On inspiration

I was feeling particularly down today.

Had no word from the boyfriend for the past 50 hours or so.

"Its only 2 days," he'd say.

And so I sobbed.

"If something would to happen to me. Nobody wouldn't have noticed."

And I cried and bawled like a child. A horrible mix of raging horrmones.
My monthly period due anytime soon now.

Good things are happening. And only happen when I stop looking.
And it means giving up and leaving it to fate.
Put on a big smile and tell myself that its going to be a great day.

More often that not, its a self fulfilling prophecy.

"I have concentrated all along on building the finest retailing company that we possibly could. Period. Creating a huge personal fortune was never particularly a goal of mine"

Sam Walton, Founder, WAL-MART

Following up to Light a Million Candles Video -

I was watching Indon TV when they televised their weekend dosage of Oprah

I love Oprah.

And they were talking about Child Abuse.

And it was appalling. Immigrant children brought to a first world country in search of a better life.

Instead tortured and made sex slaves. Children. Tweens. 13,14,15.

How can we help this sick sick world.

Saturday workin

While I had direct contact with the general public in the sales line I once made small talk with a guy who had a 2 year old kid who didn't allow her to watch tv.

"They're such sweet young little things," then proceeds to take out a picture of her in his wallet with his charming wife.

"How can I take away such innocence?"

That was a retorical statement of course.
So I just smiled.

My kid will grow up on sesame street.
Like me.
She/He will dance to Barney.
Learn how to ride a motorcycle by 2.
Read an encyclopaedia by 5.
But that's my kid :P

Lazy, not exactly lazy Saturday since I'm at my computer (working) *gasp* yes I am with the TV on. There's an MTV version of Jackass. They call themselves c2G. The show's called World Record.

Within the past 10 minutes I've seen these idiots do:

Most punches to the head in 60 secs
Most amount of cream corn downed and riding an amusement park ride without puking (They failed tho. The result was absolutely revolting.)

Entertaining?

Some morning banter with Weilin.
I missed home. I missed Mini.

Weilin started getting all "national day" on me typing the exerpts of lyrics from various songs. Very funny toiletbrush.

Bah.

The day you get outstationed, you'll be the one on msn telling me you miss your mom. :P

My many identities

Many a time, while I'm travelling, I'm subjected to the friendly obligatory chatter to the taxi drivers.

The questions are always the same.
But who says the answers have to be.

On whether I'm travelling alone.
No I'm never travel alone. I usually travel with my imaginary husband ;)

On whether he's white.
This will usually annoy me sometimes. Of course they will not understand the term SPG but no I'm not SPG so imaginary husband is not white.

What is he actually?
He's a mix of Japanese and Chinese, just as I am a mix of Chinese and Malay.
I like my men exotic.

So you have very good looking kids then?
No, I don't have kids yet. It has to be planned.
And I won't get lovely holidays if I have kids.

One taxi driver told me that children are the joy of life.
And making them is twice the fun.

-.-"
This is the reason why I'm always "married"

For light a million candles