Thanks but no thanks

Seen on a t-shirt at Junction 8: No guts no glory, no brains same story.

J, someone from my past found me on friendster.

"can i date you again??i'm serious about it!!!gimme a chnace..."

*copied and pasted with orginal typos

my reply?

wow.
i'm flattered. but i prefer monogamous relationships :)
thanks but no thanks


*A little background info. The only reason i dated J in the first place was because he reminded me of S.
In terms of physique.
Thats as far as it extends.
I just wanted someone to fill his shoes. The big brown shoes that he'll trod in.
Fill the void.

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C, a collegue of mine that loves flirting outrageously with me asked why i wasn't looking for another partner . . .

"because men are so full of shit"

You're right. Because you women believe us. So its a vicious cycle of getting hurt.
You know they're bullshitting you yet you still believe.

Me: Arrrgggh. You irk me sometimes.



*streak of narcissism : show off my newly trimmed hair

Moblogging

3rd attempt at moblogging. If i fail, im a certified retard

Kamikaze flies and quacks

AM: Bf ran from his place to my place. *touched*
Bluff me one. Say bring me breakfast. In the end also collapse and fall zzz.

NN: In the office solving shop variances. Sigh. Work commitments haunt me even during my rest days. Thanks to the fucker for a boss.

Went to Orchard to the tattoo shop to ask them help me with my design. Have it figured out. After 3 years i've finally decided on a new design. Then that's it. No more. :)

5PM: Passed Shirin her allowance.

Came home and zzz somemore until 8pm think the Bf called.
Was quite cheesed off by him. Haven't eat the whole day. By the time i want to eat its already 5pm. Say 5pm like that meet, 5pm still zzz. Bleah.

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Anyway, you know those irritating movies where they fast forward traffic and you can't see the cars all you can see is the fast lights passing that's what being on the road at 250km/hr is like. It's fucking madness. i don't even take roller coaster rides. but i put my life in his hands. That's what i really call trust.

Attendance: The boyfriend, Normie, Jesse, Sherwin and some dude who's name i forgot kenny or benny or some common name. :P

Dinner: Crappy Salted egg crabs, Sambal kangkong (my pick!), braised tofu, fried wonton noodles, braised venison or i think it was.

The guys go across the causway for ciggies. I went all the way there to have a Magnum. They cost RM $3.00 dammit. How to resist!

3am somewhere off the 2nd link was bustling with activity even the cats at the petrol kiosks were excited. Seriously for a minute there it got me excited too.

i'm ok. really

"yes i'm here just leave me and my parents alone.
i just can't bring myself to love you anymorei loved you, yes past tense, like no one before.
after what you did to yourself.
lets move on, with our lives
i don't want to be your excuse for a happily ever after story.
curse me, hate whatever, theres nothing i can do if you decide not to think
enough of this nonsence, start from getting your company right and start
treating yourself with respect.
liberal my foot."

They gave me an offer i couldn't refuse.
But i've decided against it. With respect to someone.
Because he doesn't like it.
It's like keeping my hair long, i find it a pain but he wants me to keep it.
So yeah there you go. I still have my shoulder length tresses.

Why is a cruel word. I cannot ask why you cannot love me -- because its just not right because i'm all grown up to know people change.

I have moved on. And you can't be my excuse for a happy ending.
Who the fuck do you think you are? Fucking prince charming.
Trash like that comes a dime a dozen.

Yes. FUCK YOU.

There's nothing wrong with my company. Don't blame me for the fact the world is full or assholes like you.

And i have plenty of self respect.
I dare to say no to sex with someone i don't love
I dare to ask a guy out without the fear of rejection
I dare to face my responsibilites as dutiful sister, girlfriend, niece and daughter
I can work myself
I earn for myself
I dream to earn my first million before i hit 30

What have YOU done?

Today they took Snickers away. It not only rained, it poured. And i'm left with four walls and my lappy.

The return to not so singlehood

MONSTER BEWARE
Terror beyond the door.


I got pretty frustrated with her for biting me so i locked her out.







Time check.

Haven't eaten the whole day. Waiting for someone go accompany me go eat dinner.
Nobody.
I crave . . . fried chicken.
Lemme see Popeyes or KFC.

Yummm.

I know my life is pathetic when i'm happy to receive a call from work. Yes that's me.

I'm fucking fed up with the dog and her fucking habits of biting me.
I'm fucking fed up with the relationship i'm in which will never bring me anywhere or anything.
I'm just fucking fed up.

The story of the $700 bill.
I'm only paying it coz i think i'm responsible for it.

The way a guy treats a girl is different for every relationship, very much like gardening.
Ambitious ones will grow orchids. Delicate, beautiful when they bloom.
They also require alot of care -- the right amount of water, nutrients, sunlight, climate.
I miss being an orchid

Now he treats me like grass. Free rain, free sun and for everybody to trample on.

And you'd think who the hell would want grass?

He surprises me.

Shaun on the phone talking business











Yesterday, i came home to a house that smelt like green tea and lavander.
My clothes folded neatly in a corner.
My things arranged nicely in the cupboard.
My bed made (gasp!)
My perfume blocking an old picture and i smiled.


Weary are the days i shuttle from work.home.sleep.work

There is no other way.
I am too comfortable with what i'm earning now i don't think i can take it if i'm earning any less. So fuck it really if i don't have a life.

But that doesn't stop me from planning for my future of course. From insurance to business. But i wasn't really prepared for this:

Him: Do you see yourself getting married
Me: Nope. Haven't got there yet. But i love weddings tho.

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If it were not for yesterday, i'd ask him to take a long walk. Perhaps i want to see other people.

Because i'm one of the most eligible bachelorettes in town.

Because i missed having someone around, bringing me out, being romanced, having someone intelligent to talk to, going to the movies -- having a normal life.

Anything but this -- Housewife to my dog. Living in a boxed up apartment. Still. Alone.


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I've got one of the most difficult tasks assigned to me at work and i am going to have one of the most horrible bosses. Time to step things up a little and rise to the occassion. If i survive till the 20th i'd be buying myself my first apple product.

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The cab passed KK hospital just now on the way to Carl's Jr. I was reminded of the day my sis OD-ed. I was crying on the phone with Vic and even before uncle mamat, my mom and i arrived, Vic was already there taking care of admissions. Talking to my sis.

Seeking comfort 16 hours away from me

My greatest weakness is being too soft.

Me: i found out that he wasn't lying abt being attached and i got insanely drunk. So drunk a "friend" tried to jump me. Sigh.

TP: Lotsa other fishies out in the sea. Some good friend you have.

Me: Yea tell me abt it. He dumped me for a German chick. I feel not pretty enough.

TP: Nonsence, he just prefers girls more hairy.

*Smiles* this cheered me up today.
I met TP when i was still working in Choc Bar. And since then he looks more hot than ever.



See. Hott.

When i first knew him he seemed like this pastey looking mixed up kid. While holidaying his English-Korean looks started to get more prominent.

I've never been SPG but i've always been attracted to people with a more colourful heritage. Like me.

I would never want to grow up any other way.



Speaking of which i had a good Hari Raya. Even tho i was too old to receive green packets.

I hugged my aunts. And i felt a pang of sadness.

Love just blinds sometimes -- I see that she's smiling. Even though her husband only spends the weekends with her and the rest of the week with someone else. I feel so sad that she hurts and that i hurt too. I haven't told her Vic's left me. But that's secondary.

And i've truely lost faith.