Hello? Unavailable.

This morning i received a wrong number call.I was groggy and in a foul mood. Very foul. He was like Morning darrrrling and began his conversation already and in 5 seconds of realisation that i didn't know the bugger i fucked him over the phone. Oei wrong number la! Then there was a click. I think he was scared off.
Muahahaha but theres a reason for my evilness.
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Last night I went for a coupla drinks with an old friend. Lets call him RL. That's his initials. Anyways i had a good time with RL. I haven't met him in ages and i met him after work. In my work uniform. We were at Emerald hill chatting over drinks. Drank till we had this buzz and happy feeling.

"There are 2 types of women. The kind that you'd love to just fling yourself for temporary comfort. You know plain wild fun. The other sort is for keeps. Someone u'd want to have your kids. Settle down and move in with."

I'm not too sure if i'm selling myself out by being the latter. Coz men are such players. Women now aren't that simple anymore either.

We ended up at Swensens same place i had my first date with him sharing a fish and chips. I felt a pang of sadness. Being there again at 2am in the morning.

He sent me home intoxicated and i admit i did feel a little sorry for myself. He was feeling a lil high as well so when he asked if he could rest at my place i said ok. Out of goodwill i didn't want the TP to stop him on the way home. So he rested on my bed while i continued endulging myself in my wine stash and surfing the internet.

After a short nap started kissing the nape of my neck and i was like u can't do this. My boyfriend will so kill you. And guess what he said?

Let him. I want it.

At that point i sobered up and looked at him straight.

I don't. And you have to leave.

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I can be many things. But i'm not easy.

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Fell asleep immediately after he left and woke up at 9 a little hungover and my body ached. Felt used even though nothing happened. I still wished that i did something.

As for RL. He's still my friend.

I guess i just won't be meeting him anytime soon.

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I wish he was around more often. I feel vulnerable.

Fresh starts and food!!!

Shaun's back. Seen him for the 1st time in 44+1 days. Coz he came back the day before but i've been working hard so cannot meet up.

My green tree frog turned into a black frog. I dunno how we ended up with a new breed of frog called the Brunian Black frog. Scientific name blackus froggius then we started laughing hysterically. I've missed having him around. He's gotten skinnier. Damn. And i thought that i've lost enough weight.

Presenting my blackus froggius


I will attempt to fatten him up soonish. But in light of the fact he's taking his IPPT soon, i will have to wait till its over. He's got this preconceived notion that if he piles up the pounds he can't run hence failing his IPPT or not getting the desired result. Oh well.

Truth be told i really dunno wad to make out of starting anew with him particularly. I'm not on rebound. I'm not estatic. But i'm just comfortable where i am. i'm in my own skin and loving it.

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"I was worried when you started out because i knew he was going off to study and its such a pity because he's such a nice boy"

Nice? There was nothing nice about what he did to me. I thought it was cowardly and retarded. But i can't contest his decision because all men are crapbags.

I did something for myself yesterday. I deleted all the emails i sent him. In his inbox. Because i don't want him to keep any memories of me. Since he chose this path. I can just pray that he's too scatterbrained to not bookmark my blog. Because in order to forget, to really forget i can't think of anything that has to do with him or what we did together. In time to come we'll both be left with nothing of each other. Good luck, good riddance and fuck off please. Because it just hurts too much to remember. And i have to get on with my life.

On a lighter note i am now able to eat my favourite red meats guilt free -- Lamb and beef. And have my steaks medium rare. Just the way i like it and now even better! I can share. Muahahahaha.

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TM shop marks a new beginning of my work career. I love TM even tho its so far from my place. Waking up has always been a chore for me but i'm such a foodie and i hated Plaza Sing for its cardboard tasting noodles, overpriced and very normal mixed veg rice and eating fast food over and over again.

Today we're going for Sup tulang at army market! Now just wait for the darn rain to stop and we'll be off.

Disaster recovery

Noticed that some of my newly single girlfriends are looking more and more hottt

After being dumped by the newly insignificant other.

Will post pics of the b'dae laterz =)

Damn everyone forgot to bring camera

Makan place for the day is the quaint Jap restaurant at Cuppage Starhub Centre.
There's only one so you can't miss it.
Service is excellent, food is yummilicious and definitely value for money.
One more place to bring the bf to. And got corp. discount! Keke

Blast from the past!!

Was going through some of my holiday pictures: Ivy i found something in HK
but don't ask me how to get there. Every turn looks the same to me =P

no ZoUk

Too tired for ZoUk today. Actually the real reason is because i lazy to shave my armpits and legs. Keke. I'm disgusting. Bogged by period cramps, monetary cramps as well. Can't believed i just blew 1K on my pay just to fix up new piping. If daddy doesn't reimburse me i will personally fly there to strangle him.

Craving for regular cheese Cheezels but the only ones available at 7-11 were the Pizza cheeze cheezels. Not as nice. Bleah. Snickers in officially on a new diet. She now eats unagi and seaweed canned stuff. I bought her another type of canned food as well but i just realised its one of those cans that require a can opener. Damn.

Its going to be time that i neuter her. She's pissing all over the place. Think she might be looking for a mate. What makes things worse is that she loves to chase guys. Yes. She has a thing for guys. Today on our usual late walk she chased some bloke and his friend. Smelt his arse and didn't even care to look at me when i called her. I even threatened her with "bye bye" yet she was too engrossed trying to be cute in front of other guys. Bah.

And no i didn't try to check them out.

The boyfriend is coming back in 2 days. Hehe. *Happy*

My collegues, some of my best mates are ticked by the concept of "recycled" boyfriend. In actual fact, so am i really. Our stories have always had a little romantic streak in them. But i wish we excelled more in the practical bit of it rather than in theory. Some part of me always tell me that we're just suay lah. Sometimes we just couldn't get it together.

Then again i wish i had the ability to erase the whole of this year from my head. Then perhaps he'd be truely the man of my life.

Slowly i'm begining to understand. Was talking to Weilin the other day. He was telling me how he loved his girlfriend yet not enough to marry her. Perhaps that's how he felt about me. Something told him that i wasn't the one for him. I can't change his mind or feelings about me. And i'd rather be contented with something that i have than something that i don't have. I can only count my lucky stars.

Nat's going to get pink undies in a cup

Next week an old flame from my past will come back and attempt to re-enter my life. I'm in a quandry on what to do really. It feels weird, totally weird.

After being alone for the past 2 months, I'm starting to finally get used to being alone. Yea i hated it. Facing 4 walls when i come home having to walk the dog for 1 hour everyday. But i realised if i have a man at home i'll end up having to clean up after myself and him. Not that my boyfriend's a slob particularly but aren't all men slobs.

Last night was the night of girl talk. Was on opening shift so i met ivy after. Dinner was butter prata. In Malaysia they call it roti bom. It's a prata and instead of onions/egg (insert preferred filling here) they fill it with butter and sugar. Mmmmmm yummay. So its crispy on the outside and when u break it the butter and sugar filling oozes out. Heavenly.

Ivy's bringing me for Zouks opening on friday. *sings* so happy because i have no life. heh. Its just been too long since i've been out la. Like mountain tortoise liddat. I haven't even been to Lola or Attica or any of the cool places. The coolest place i know of is my house. mine all mine that or the staff room at my work place :P

Planning Nat's bdae for Saturday lunch, bitching abt boys. I can't believe it's been 1 year since we celebrated Nat's bday at Brewerks.One year on and its only left the 3 of us very much single.

Read through some very old emails. Trying to remember what it felt like being in love him. But sometimes it feels so far away. 3 years is along time.

In 3 years i .... (in chronological order)

• got myself fucking intoxicated everyday for a month because it hurt so much
• almost got myself raped
• lost 14kgs in 2 months
• got into a useless relationship that lasted 2 years
• got flamed by his ex over the internet in her blog and calling me a bitch
• almost flunked out of my last year of school
• managed to graduate

• got a job
• dumped the useless relationship
• fell in love for the 1st time after S

• 

• flew in a plane alone for the 1st time
• went to Cambodia
• attended my bestfriend's wedding
• thought i had met the love of my life, or so it felt that way
• celebrated by 21st b'day, watched my 1st R-21 movie
• learnt the basics to Salsa

• moved in with someone
• brought someone on a holiday

• went to HK
• had my very own box of krispy kremes
• moved out on my own
• got a dog
• got myself heartbroken again

Tired. Very tired. I'd really like to know whats going on. The waiting is really killing me.

2am

i'll make my walks regular at 2am because only at that time, i feel that i'm at peace. the world seems to come to a stand still. and i feel that its just me and my dog Snickers.

Having lock her up in the toilet for the past day i decided to give her a full hour of running about. So we walked to central where i managed a thirst quencher and walked back. And i let her play about at the play ground where she loves. No kids to care about, and i'm not afraid she'll start chasing some poor old lady.

Anyway, something interesting happened today. Some guy in a beat up car tried to pick me up like 15 minutes from my place. We were at the traffic light waiting for the light to turn green and he was staring at me from across the road. I didn't really pay attention until he honked me and U-turned. Then his yorkshire terrier started barking madly. I smiled. At the dog not him. And he asked me where i was going. So i told him i was just walking the dog. I didn't make any eye contact after that. A few reasons why the conversation didn't go further:

1. His car didn't impress me. Honking at a lady is a nono. I thought it was a very chauvinist act.

2. Other barking dogs are a bad influence. My dog doesn't bark. I like it to stay that way.

3. My boyfriend is far cuter than he was.

4. My dog was twice this size of his. Hahahaha. Size does matter! :P

the skinny on men

Gee i wish i was a rocket scientist to figure this out:

According to MSN article on dating and personals

• Here's the scoop: When researchers surveyed 1,000 men, 23% of average-sized
  guys and 19% of moderately overweight men said they'd cheat on their
  partners if they had the chance. However, only 11% of very overweight
  men said they'd stray. "The more you weigh, the less interested you are in
  sexual dalliances," said men's health expert Sascha Rusch of
  the health institute Epicure, which commissioned the study

Lol. I just find it freakin hilarious

My free makeover 

In Singapore, anything free is good 

Ber and me during her wedding - Doesn't she look stunning 

The real me

The only reason i went for the makeover was because i was feeling pretty fucked up inside. And it was one of those free makeover sessions which i thought they did a fantastic job.

How you look has EVERYTHING to do with how you feel.

So for one day. Just one day. i looked ... pretty. Ok pretty is a subjective word but at least i looked pretty to myself.

Since secondary school, i was pretty much the quiet one. I'd naturally shy away from boys. Only those who i were really buddy buddy with i'd be as loud as i was with the girls. My girls were LOUD. They were also very pretty. Not that i felt overshadowed but i had no interest in getting to know other guys.

After my boat quay days, i realised. Quality over quantity. I'd rather someone love me for looking like this



No? I didn't think so either. But someone did. Once upon a time ...

Snickers and Jude's 2MP camera fone.  

Do you cry at night when you are lonely

Being teased by the boys at work.

They asked me to post a nude photo of myself on friendster.
"Now can wad. Still single."

Siao.

Are you still crying over him. Especially when you're lonely. Because you live alone. Have no one to talk to.

My reply? Eh fuck off please i'm sure you have more things to care about.
Other than my life. Or lack of it. Gogogogogogo

I think my face must have turned beet red. Gosh. But i'm not like that anymore ok! I'm happy. I'm proud to say i'm not out of love. I've accomplished alot in a week i could say. I went to the library. Borrowed a coupla books. READ THEM. I've bought a series of VCDs - a feat i thought only aunties accomplish. But i did it.

Watched half of it. Up to the point the lead Takuya Kimura declares his love for the leading lady. They're both in bed having the after sex glow not to mention good tustled hair days and he says in his most sexy raspy voice "i love you."

I LOVE YOU TOO!!!! I failed to mention that the VCDs in Japanese with Chinese subtitles. So no i don't understand a word they're saying or any plot of it. Sad.

I've resolved to take chinese lessons tho. I'd do personal tutoring. Reading and writing. Maybe when i'm more settled in at work, i'll start attending a proper school. Then make plans for my China trip. 2 years is more than enough time for me to prepare.

Soapy is happy. Because she finally found something to be happy about. And HE makes her smile. Even when she cries because she's hurting and she realises that there are alot more other things to be thankful and happy about than moping about and being constantly depressed. And she's got the best lot of people that she can talk to. Who seem to understand her feelings and give her the emotional support and strenght to pull through.

:(

*stares at the date*

Memories, they're merely memories i tell myself.
I should look forward not back seems like eternity that i've been working. saying the same shit all day.

crave abit of wine again

wine and a good book

the unit above my apartment is doing reno. Fucking noisy can't sleep. I'm hoping alcohol will knock me out for a good 8-10 hours tonight.

Took snickers for a walk.

Felt very sad and started talking to my dog. We're 2 very lonely girls.

2 months till the end of the year. i resolve to drag myself to the gym with Michielle tmr.
no amount of endorphines can cheer me up. sigh.

why.why.why.

2 months on and i'm still hurting. very much.

pigcat